![]() Do not support his notions, even indirectly, that he is brilliant, perfect, irresistibly handsome, destined for great things, entitled, powerful, wealthy, the centre of attention, etc. You cannot buy his mercy or his goodwill - he has none. Relegate any inevitable contact with him - when and where possible - to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.ĭo not collude or collaborate in your ex's fantasies and delusions.When you are forced to meet him, do not discuss your personal affairs - or his.Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need.Disconnect from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest.Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you through third parties. ![]() Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies.Hang up the minute you hear his voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm, sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him. Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages.But with the exception of the minimum mandated by the courts - decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist.You will only turn the system against you and your interests. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings - but NEVER rebel against them or ignore them. Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system.Be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts, counsellors, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate.But, otherwise, avoid all gratuitous interactions. File charges and have restraining orders issued. Alert law enforcement agencies to any misbehaviour, violence, or harassment. Take all necessary precautions to protect yourself and your family. The only viable coping strategy is to ignore your abusive ex. Some stalkers "punish" themselves - drink to excess, commit offences and get caught, abuse drugs, have accidents, fall prey to scams - in order to force their victims to pity them and get in touch. Abusers prey on other people's empathy, pity, altruism, nostalgia, and tendency to lend a helping hand. It may be difficult, but turn off your emotions. How to cope with delusional, paranoid - and, therefore, dangerous - stalkers? Unable to face the dismal failures that they are, they partially withdraws from reality. But some abusers go further and decompensate by resorting to self-delusion. He magnanimously is willing to forgive all the "horrible things" you did to him and revive the relationship (which, after all, had its good moments).Īll abusers present with rigid and infantile (primitive) defence mechanisms: splitting, projection, Projective Identification, denial, intellectualisation, and narcissism. To communicate to you that he still "loves" you, is still interested in you and your affairs and that, no matter what, you are inseparable.To isolate you socially and force you to come running back to his waiting and "loving" arms.By targeting your closest, nearest, and dearest - your family, your children, boss, colleagues, co-workers, neighbors, and friends - your ex hopes to achieve two equally unrealistic goals: Your abusive ex is likely to cope with the pain and humiliation of separation by spreading lies, distortions, and half-truths about you and by proffering self-justifying interpretations of the events leading to the break-up. ![]() Here's the psychological profile of the paranoid, and far more dangerous paranoid-delusional, ex-spouse and how to cope with each.
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